As Ben Needham's mother, Kerry Needham, makes a fresh plea for answers, the Mirror takes a look at the 35 years of heartache the determined mum has endured since her son's disappearance

It's been almost 35 years since Kerry Needham saw her son, Ben Needham, who vanished as a toddler on the picturesque Greek island of Kos. And in the years since, the devoted mother has endured unimaginable torment.

Kerry, now 51, recently opened up to the Mirror about her continued determination to find Ben, who was 21 months old when he went missing on July 24 1991. Believing Ben may have been trafficked for adoption to the New York area, Kerry hasn't given up on her child and is appealing once more to anyone with any information, using a professional age progression picture of what the tot may well now look like as a man in his 30s.

She shared: "It took my breath away all those years ago when I saw it because it looks like part of our family. There is no point in putting Ben's baby photos out there. We have to concentrate on 'have you seen this man, not this child?'."

For Kerry, the years since Ben disappeared have been filled with plenty of pain, from devastating ransom ordeals to the heartbreaking decision to give up her own daughter. Despite having been through hell and back, she keeps up hope that she might one day see her son again.

Tragic spiral

Ben, who would have turned 36 last October, was last seen playing outside a farmhouse his grandparents, Eddie and Christine Needham, had been renovating, while Kerry was out working at a hotel. It should have been a fresh start for the family, who'd move to Greece from Sheffield for a new life together. But their adventure descended into tragedy, and despite multiple searches of the island, no trace of Ben has ever been found.

In those early months following Ben's disappearance, Kerry struggled immensely. Back living with Ben's father Simon, she found herself hallucinating in the dead of night, with the ordeal having taken a terrible toll on her mental health. In Missing, by Melanie McFadyean, an extract of which was published in The Guardian in May 2009, Kerry opened up candidly about the dark places her trauma took her to.

She recalled: "I used to get up in the middle of the night, and it was like I was hallucinating that Ben was actually there. We'd decorated a bedroom for him, and I used to go in there and pretend to rock him to sleep because I thought I could hear him crying. I had a psychiatric nurse who was wonderful, and she said that having the bedroom there was making it worse. Obviously, I was dreaming that I could hear him crying, and I was just automatically getting up in the night and going to rock the baby."

Sadly, Kerry made four suicide attempts, but explained that it wasn't that she'd wanted to die, she'd only wanted some sort of relief from the agony she'd found herself in. In the same piece, Kerry's mum Christine opened up about her fears at this time, revealing: "We all cracked up in our own ways. And we've all tried to be someone else for a little while. But you take on this mother role, holding everybody up, especially Kerry, she was so delicate. I used to jolly them along. I didn't want my family to die. I thought everybody would commit suicide. Everybody thinks that I deal with it better than anybody else, but that is because I know they won't cope if I drop. If I go under, my family will die, I know they will, even now."'

Ransom horror

Back in 2012, Kerry claimed that a man had demanded £500,000 to reveal where Ben was, and had refused to divulge what he apparently knew until the vast sum was handed over. While Kerry and her family had offered half a million pounds as a reward to any individual who could produce evidence of Ben's DNA, this unnamed person had reportedly wanted the cash up front.

Details about who this ramsomer was were not given at the time, but he was believed to be an OAP originally from the islands who had moved over to live on mainland Greece. ITV News reported that a detective agency based in Greece had contacted Kerry via Ben's Facebook page to let her know this informant had come forward, but privacy laws meant the detectives could not reveal the man's name. Kerry's MP stated that she would be making contact with the then Minister for Europe, David Lidington, in an attempt to figure out whether this source was indeed a credible informant, or simply a callous hoaxer looking to cash in.

Heartbroken Kerry told The Star at the time: "I was contacted three weeks ago via a Greek detective agency who got in touch via Ben's website. The man wanted £560,000 - a reward offered 15 years ago by a number of different people and organisations who put together the money.

"But that money is no longer there. I told him I could offer £400,000, which I don't have at the moment, but could come up with if it turned out to be Ben. But he refused and said he would only accept the full £560,000 - and only up front. I'm now completely stranded. There's no way I can come up with that money. He is now withholding evidence and blackmailing. That's got to be a crime, even in Greece. This has to be taken to a governmental level now."

Daughter heartache

Kerry was just 19 years old when Ben went missing, a young mum whose life was turned upside down in an instant. While she and Ben's father, Simon, were advised to have another baby to "ease the pain", Kerry had "mixed emotions" about this. Three years on, they welcomed daughter Leighanna, but their joy proved bittersweet. By that time, their relationship was "extremely rocky", and they parted ways when Leighanna was just two weeks old.

Speaking with The Times in March 2008, Kerry shared: "I'd loved her instantly when she was born, but it took a while to bond. I was pleased she was a girl; a boy would have been more difficult, because he wouldn't have been Ben. But having another baby did not take away the pain. I couldn't cope. So, when she was 19 months old, Leighanna went to live with my mum and dad.

"Wherever I went, I was 'Ben Needham's mum', and I just wanted to be me. When I got a job in a nightclub, my parents were furious. They thought I was being selfish and just wanted to party, but it wasn't like that. I needed to find me. Looking back, I think I had a breakdown without knowing it, and I had to fight my way out of it in my own way. And having friends who didn’t see me just as Ben Needham's mum made me feel like a person again."

For a while, Kerry's parents cared for Leighanna while she worked on herself. At the time, the close-knit family feared how it would look if Kerry was viewed as having abandoned her daughter, in a way that could have a knock-on effect on how Ben's case was discussed.

She continued: "I didn't see Leighanna or my family for a few months, but once I felt I'd retrieved my identity, I wanted her back. As soon as I walked into my mum's house, Leighanna looked at me and said: 'Mummy!' And I thought: 'This is me – I’m Leighanna's mum'. She brought me laughter and fun. She was very similar to Ben, and that made me happy because I could imagine what he'd be like."

As Leighanna grew, however, there were further challenges to face, and given all she'd been through, Kerry struggled not to "smother" her daughter, endeavouring to give her "as normal a life as possible", despite feeling anxiety over ordinary milestones such as sleepovers and evenings out at teenage nightclubs. For Leighanna, 14 at the time of the interview, she was all too aware of the trauma her mother had endured, and knew she hadn't had a "normal" childhood.

However, she still expressed gratitude for the life her mother had given her, and knew she'd done her best under extraordinarily difficult circumstances she'd been dealt. According to Leighanna: "My mum has made my life as great as she could. She's very loving, and she's always there for me when I need her. She's kind and generous, and she's got good taste in clothes, and she's beautiful, and she's fun.

"She makes me laugh – she's playful and giddy. She never stops talking, like me. When I'm on my own with her, I love that, although I like my stepdad. He's made my mum happy. And if she's happy, I'm happy. When she's upset, I'm upset. And I've seen her very upset – probably more than most children."

DNA riddle

The initial investigation into Ben's disappearance was slow-going, and at first, the family remained convinced Ben would simply turn up. As time went on, though, they began to develop theories as to what might have happened. Speaking with The Sun back in January, Kerry asserted: "We never thought for one minute an accident had happened, or someone had abducted him. We thought someone must have found him; he must have got further down that lane than my mum thought he could have done in that time. We thought someone's found him, taken him in, got him a drink, don't forget it's 90 degrees."

Discussing the idea that Ben may have been kidnapped, she continued: "I don't know when it dawned on us because… we're not stupid, but abductions and kidnappings, they happen in films. We were thinking, 'Why would anyone want to abduct Ben?' We didn't have any money for a ransom, which is what we thought a kidnapping was. We knew nothing about child trafficking and human trafficking back then, so it just didn't enter our heads. When there was no sign of him, no one had handed him into the police or the hospital, that's when we thought somebody must have taken him then – but why?"

Raising this notion once again in her recent interview with the Mirror, Kerry disputed a theory put forward by South Yorkshire Police that Ben was killed in a tragic digger accident. Extensive searches have found no evidence to support this, while a toy car with DNA inside proved not to be linked to Ben. According to Kerry: "My heart stands with the abduction theory because I have gone over and over the digger theory, and so many things don't make sense about it.

"The witness told police he might have seen Ben, but the timings don't add up. The DNA they found was not a match inside the toy car. They found absolutely no proof. Until Greek police or South Yorkshire Police prove that the accident actually happened and show me some evidence, then Ben is still a missing person and needs to be looked for."

If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org or visit their site to find your local branch

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